I led a devotional yesterday morning at our staff meeting. I thought I would start this post by sharing that devotional - cause it will set up the rest of what I want to say.
Often we like change when we are young because change is a reflection of our growth and the vitality inherent in our youthfulness. However, when we get older, change becomes more difficult to accept. Many times, change in our life comes about through tragedy, defeat, or loss. When we are with Christ, and He is within us, change may still be fearful or uncomfortable, but change can be managed. All of us can glorify God, even when we are exhausted and beaten down by change. In the silence of our response to changing situations in life, we can send our heart and our prayers to God and He will answer. We can ask Christ to use us through every changing circumstance and He will answer. In a world of change and chaos, we have an unchanging and constant friend in Christ.
I never thought I would say it, but it does seem that the older I get, the harder change is in my life. I used to love change. It used to excite me. I loved new adventures, new ideas, new people, and so much more. Now, I hold on tight to the security of "non-change". But, life continues to move on... and the truth is life is full of change - as much as I would like to avoid it, deny it or ignore it.
This last year has been filled with changes in the life of me and Christi. It began right around 1 year ago when we moved to Texas from Southern, California. We also bought our first house! (wow, and what a change home-ownership is.) Along with a move like this of course came the struggle for both of us of leaving our friends, our family, the "known" and "familiar", the routine, the people, the job, the area. All of these things. And while those have been challenges, neither Christi nor I could have imagined some of the additional changes we would be facing one year later.
I can hardly believe that my first full year in my new youth ministry position is at hand. There were times this last year when it felt like I would never make it. But, here I am. Now is the new struggles to work through the second year. But that's not even the new challenges I am talking about for me and Christi. Those have to do with both work and personal life.
First, work.... As of last Sunday (Jan. 25th) our Sr. Pastor (and my boss) announced his resignation. I can hardly believe that in 1 year's time Christi and I have had to deal with 2 different Sr. Pastors at the two churches we have been a part of resigning. This is challenging and scary in many ways for me. The fear of the unknown is of course the main cause. I knew when I took this job who the Sr. Pastor was, and what he was like, what his theology was, what his philosophy was, what his vision was, etc. Now I have to sit back and wait to see what the new Sr. Pastor is like and pray that we meld well. In addition, due to budget cuts, the only full-time staff at the church at the moment is: The custodian, the secretary, and me. That makes for a LOT of additional work and challenges that I didn't imagine having to deal with a year ago when I was hired as the new Youth Pastor. So, a lot is happening at work that is causing changes that are difficult. But... as the scripture says in Micah - God does NOT change - and He is the one I need to fully rely upon.
Secondly, personally.... Christi and I are very excited to have completed all of the training and requirements to be approved as foster-to-adopt parents here in Texas. Now we are waiting for God to bring us the child(ren) that he has for us. Before Christi and I even knew that we had been approved we received a call for placement. The call came in at about 4:30 pm for a 4-year old boy. They told us they needed to know right away, and so we had about 10 minutes to decide. And even then, there was no guarantee that in that 10 minutes someone else might not take him into their home. So Christi called me and asked me what I thought - and after about 5 minutes of thinking about it we decided to call back and say "yes!" So we called back to say yes to Christopher. Our Social Worker said she would get back to us with information on the placement - one way or another. Friday ended without word. We knew that they were closed for the weekend and wouldn't do anything until Monday. The entire weekend, though, Christi and I were wondering if we would be placed with Christopher and become insta-parents. In addition, we realized we have been planning and setting up for an infant - so we have a LOT of baby stuff... but we don't have toddler stuff - including a bed and dresser. So we need to buy those as well. Well, we waited on pins and needles all weekend - wondering what it would be like to instantly be parents of a 4-year old. On Monday after 4 phone calls and messages, I finally got through to a case worker to find out that Christopher had already been placed with another family on Friday. That was very difficult to have spent the entire weekend wondering and stressing about what to do - when we weren't even going to get him. But, this is encouraging that we are now getting phone calls for placement.
So, Christi and my life have been FILLED with change this last year. Change is not necessarily bad, but it does seem to be more and more difficult to face and deal with as I get older. But God is still in control and I am trying to rest on that and not forget it.
Dearest Ryan, I am so proud of you and to be your wife. I am so thankful and blessed to have you and go through these changes with. God is good!
Posted by: Christianna | January 31, 2009 at 12:57 AM