Nobody likes it when someone they know is upset at them. I've never met anyone that has said to me (at least in honesty) "I just absolutely love it when people are ticked off at me." And one thing that makes it more difficult about someone being upset at you, is when you don’t really know for sure.
Let me clarify.
When someone is upset at me and I know they are upset with me – I may not like it, but it does make it a little bit easier to deal with. If I know they are upset with me I can often figure out why they are upset with me. I can then figure out if it was something I did or something they interpreted wrong. I can then figure out a plan of action: which might include an apology, or reconciliation, or maybe even just saying, “that stinks that they are upset, but they are just going to have to deal with it.” And, then, depending on the course of action taken and the response of the other individual, the healing can begin – or as may be the case, you can move on with life without any resolution or reconciliation. As I said before, it is not fun, it is not easy, and nobody likes it – but at least knowing allows you to move forward.
And then there is the other type of situation – which I recently have found myself in.
When I left Boerne, TX to move to Quincy, CA there were a few close friends that I spent a fair amount of time with and with whom we lived life together. On the day that I moved, one of my friends seemed to grow more and more upset. Since moving I have left multiple messages for this friend and not until just a day ago did I receive any sort of reply. And even then, I didn’t receive a reply to all of my messages, just some. And this is where not-knowing is sometimes the hardest. I don’t know if I did something to upset my friend or not. If I did, I have NO idea what it is. In fact, I am not even sure whether or not my friend is mad, and if he is mad, if he is mad at me or someone/something else. So then I find myself in the dilemma too of: Do I ask him if he is mad at me? Do I ask him if I did something wrong? Will that end up coming across as egocentric? If he is mad at me, is there any way I can reconcile things now? See, these questions all make the not-knowing so much more difficult. Not being sure makes it so I don’t know what course of action to take – if any. All the while, however, I find myself questioning every day if I did something to severe this relationship that has meant a TON to me for the past few years. And so, I find myself in this circular predicament of wonder, unsure how to proceed from here.
It seems like the answer would be so simple, but sitting here in the middle of it feels incredibly complex. So for now, I will continue to pray about it. Pray that God would bring about reconciliation if there is any that needs to be had. Pray that God would bring peace to my heart and mind if there is nothing wrong and I am reading things into the situation that are not there.
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