A-"Muse"-ing Thoughts

Time Flies

Wow.  Where does time go?  I guess one big answer to that would be: "To the Children."  It is so true that a lot of things have changed since getting our foster daughters.  Balancing time expectations is one of the continual challenges that I face every day. 

I have a lot of thoughts that I want to blog/journal more fully, but I thought I would give a few highlights since my last blog:

*  Got back to work on my doctoral dissertation.  At the moment of writing this I have 2 chapters written and about 15 pages on Chapter 3 completed.  This is my final year to finish the doctorate.  One way or another I am done after this.  I WILL write my entire project and pray it gets accepted by the committee.
*  May 2nd was the 3-month anniversary of Christi and I being foster-parents to two amazing daughters.
* Celebrated a wonderful Easter with my family - including the first time ever for easter baskets or easter egg hunts for my two foster-daughters.
* Celebrated Christi's 31st Birthday - treated her to a 3-hour spa treatment, lunch together, and then a fun dinner with friends.
* Had "Youth Sunday" at the church - which ended up being a wonderful day with the students doing an amazing job, and many adults giving us all very positive feedback.
* We are getting ready to celebrate our oldest foster-daughter's 4th birthday.  Should be a blast as we are having a "Princess Slip-N-Slide" party  (full of pinata and all)!!!  She is very excited, and so are we.
* We found out 3 days before the deadline that the bio-family of our foster daughters has hired a lawyer petition for adopting the girls.  Needless to say, this is a very heartbreaking thing for Christi and me, and we are praying that God would do what is best for these girls, but do it quickly, and if they are to be returned for him to cover our hearts.
* I am currently the only full-time program/pastoral staff person at the church.  Our Sr. Pastor retired.  We are hoping to hire an interim pastor sometime before September (yikes, that's a long ways away) and the search for a new Sr. Pastor will take approx. 2 years.  (YIKES!)  This has caused extra work for me and an extra element of trying to balance life duties and work duties.
* I have the most amazing and supportive wife that a husband could ever pray for.  Just have to say - Christi is a saint (she truly should be given sainthood status, but since we are not Catholics I am not sure they would accept my application for Christi's sainthood)
* At the end of April, beginning of May, I went on a "Walk to Emmaus."  It was powerful, incredible, and God is really working in my life and heart.  Lots to share about this one.

Well, I know there is more that has happened.  But that will give you a quick highlight of the things going on in my life since last blog in February.  Man, Time Flies!!!  I am going to try and blog a lot more details about some of these things, and some others that have been heavy on my mind lately as well.

LONG Sunday Completed

Sundays like yesterday are VERY exhausting for me!  It is days like yesterday which I am reminded of the HUGE blessing i have in my wife, Christi, who is there to encourage, support, care for, and help me in so many ways. 

So, I preached my sermon yesterday on Genesis 2:1-3.  I even did it in the 20-minute time limit.  When all was said and done I was very happy with how my sermon went.  I got a lot of very positive feedback, including a huge thumbs-up from the senior pastor who also was excited about the breadth of scripture I brought into my sermon and the way I tied it all together.  I also had many people tell me I shared something new about the Sabbath that they had never heard before or thought of.  And I even had six people ask me directly if they could get a copy of my sermon.  Those were all so very encouraging.  I felt good about my presentation and the material.  I felt like I communicated well, was clear, and gave the personal application I felt was so important. 

One additional hard thing about preaching is due to the nature of my job.  See, on weeks when I have to preach, the senior pastor has one element of his job that he doesn't have to worry about that week.  But for me, I don't get to drop any of my "normal" youth ministry duties.  So, I ADD work to my week, and add work to my Sunday.  This makes it a lot more stressful and exhausting.  In fact, the truth is that yesterday, after church, my wife asked me, "what are you teaching at youth group tonight?" and I had to admit honestly, "I have no idea, I haven't prepared that yet.  I have 4 hours to figure that one out."  OK.... I admit, this is NOT a good way of doing youth ministry.  Preparing 4 hours before you are supposed to teach is not wise.  I figured I would pull out one of my many lessons I have written over the last 18 years, and since I've only been at this church for 1 year now I have a lot of unused material that I could revise and recycle.  And this is when I love my wife.  She encouraged and suggested to me a plan for Sunday night.  She knew some material that I had that would be good to use and need only slight revisions.  And so, we got home after lunch and she put the children down for a nap while I began to revise some material to teach for Sunday night. 

We didn't have a large attendance Sunday night, but we had a good core of students there for youth group.  I had set everything up, got my lesson revised, and also had a nooma video set up as a 2nd "option."  The first option was giving them a worksheet I put together on how to prepare a testimony (both a salvation story and a growth story).  Most everyone did both options last night and at least three of the students asked if they could share their testimony at youth group (Praise God)!  So, by the end of last night, i came home feeling exhausted and energized.  I also felt HUGE appreciate to my wife, who not only gave me some great feedback on my sermon, great ideas for sunday night, helped lead sunday night, but also took care of the kids in between church and youth group so I could make my revisions, take a nap, and be ready for the night.  I can't say "thanks" enough to her or tell her how much I appreciate her leadership, friendship, help, and love.

Preaching Tomorrow

So, tomorrow I am preaching.  I am preaching on Genesis 2:1-3.  I have REALLY struggled with getting this sermon written and prepared for preaching.  I just put the finishing touches on it, revised it for the 4th time, and now am ready to print it and go over it a few times so that I can stick in my head what I am going to say. 

There are a few reasons that this sermon has been especially difficult for me.

• First of all, now having two little girls running around the house makes it way more difficult than it was before to work from home.  It is hard to concentrate when every 30-seconds I am hearing, "Ryan...Ryan... Ryan... LOOK at this!!!"   They are cute, but it does make it challenging.
• I struggle at times when I am assigned a specific passage to preach on.  I understand the desire for this - to fit within the sermon series that is being taught.  But I also struggle with it on a couple of levels.  First of all, I like to allow the Spirit to speak to my heart and be allowed to preach on something that the spirit has placed heavy on my heart to share with the people.  Secondly, I know that the Sr. Pastor has an idea in his head of what he wants communicated with each theme - and my sermon may or may not communicate exactly what he was hoping, or what he thinks is important.  This makes it tough.
• Third, in this particular church, the way the services are set up the individual preaching the sermon is given a time-limit of 20 to 22 minutes to preach the entire sermon (and going overtime is a HUGE mistake here and people get quite upset if you do).  Trying to squeeze into 20-22 minute the material that I have been studying and want to share on this particular sermon feels impossible.

I am praying that my sermon is not choppy, that it flow smoothly, that it make sense, and that it has some clear personal application to it.  I don't want to come across as "look at me, I went to  Seminary and here's what I can do."  I want to share from the word of God and make it applicable and meaningful to their lives today - There is a reason it is called "The LIVING Word!"  I don't want them to leave still having the question in their minds of "so what?  What does that matter in my life?" 

I have attempted to do that in my sermon.  I am finally feeling better about where it is at, but I am also very nervous about preaching.  But, soon it will be over and I can update you on how it went. 

Changes are HARD

So, most of my blog has been filled with news relating to our fost-to-adopt situation lately - and for good reason.  That has been a BIG deal in Christi and my life, and it is very important.... but there is a LOT more happening than just that, so I wanted to take some time to begin to share some other news too.

Often we like change when we are young because change is a reflection of our growth and the vitality inherent in our youthfulness. However, when we get older, change becomes more difficult to accept. Many times, change in our life comes about through tragedy, defeat, or loss. As I have gotten older, I have found that change in my own live has become harder and harder.  I used to look forward to it and get excited about it.  Now I seem to dread most changes.  I like the known; the consistent; the predictable; the safe.  But life just is not that way.

So one year ago I faced the challenging and difficult change of my Senior Pastor resigning from the church I had worked in for 9 years.  I was NOT excited about this change at all.  Within weeks God had another plan for me altogether - and called Christi and I to Texas to a new church, new home, new ministry and new friends.  After being here for 1 year and becoming VERY close friends (both Christi and me) with the senior pastor and his wife of our new church home - on Jan. 25th, 2009 - the Senior Pastor announced his resignation.  So here I am, one year later, facing the same difficult change situation of losing a senior pastor.  But, what makes this one a lot more nerve-wracking for me, challenging, and exhausting is the fact that I am currently the ONLY full-time pastoral staff working in the entire church.  And with everything else going on in my life, this makes me very nervous and questioning what exactly God wants from me and my life???

During this challenging time, I have had to continue to meditate on one particular scripture - Malachi 3:6 "I the LORD do not change. "

When we are with Christ, and He is within us, change may still be fearful or uncomfortable, but change can be managed. All of us can glorify God, even when we are exhausted and beaten down by change. In the silence of our response to changing situations in life, we can send our heart and our prayers to God and He will answer. We can ask Christ to use us through every changing circumstance and He will answer. In a world of change and chaos, we have an unchanging and constant friend in Christ.

Lord - PLEASE help me to remember this and hold on to this each and every day!  AMEN

Life is Full of Change

I led a devotional yesterday morning at our staff meeting.  I thought I would start this post by sharing that devotional - cause it will set up the rest of what I want to say.

Malachi 3:6 "I the LORD do not change. " (NIV)

Often we like change when we are young because change is a reflection of our growth and the vitality inherent in our youthfulness. However, when we get older, change becomes more difficult to accept. Many times, change in our life comes about through tragedy, defeat, or loss. When we are with Christ, and He is within us, change may still be fearful or uncomfortable, but change can be managed. All of us can glorify God, even when we are exhausted and beaten down by change. In the silence of our response to changing situations in life, we can send our heart and our prayers to God and He will answer. We can ask Christ to use us through every changing circumstance and He will answer. In a world of change and chaos, we have an unchanging and constant friend in Christ.

I never thought I would say it, but it does seem that the older I get, the harder change is in my life.  I used to love change.  It used to excite me.  I loved new adventures, new ideas, new people, and so much more.  Now, I hold on tight to the security of "non-change".  But, life continues to move on... and the truth is life is full of change - as much as I would like to avoid it, deny it or ignore it. 

This last year has been filled with changes in the life of me and Christi.  It began right around 1 year ago when we moved to Texas from Southern, California.  We also bought our first house!  (wow, and what a change home-ownership is.)  Along with a move like this of course came the struggle for both of us of leaving our friends, our family, the "known" and "familiar", the routine, the people, the job, the area.  All of these things.  And while those have been challenges, neither Christi nor I could have imagined some of the additional changes we would be facing one year later.

I can hardly believe that my first full year in my new youth ministry position is at hand.  There were times this last year when it felt like I would never make it.  But, here I am.  Now is the new struggles to work through the second year.  But that's not even the new challenges I am talking about for me and Christi.  Those have to do with both work and personal life.

First, work....  As of last Sunday (Jan. 25th) our Sr. Pastor (and my boss) announced his resignation.  I can hardly believe that in 1 year's time Christi and I have had to deal with 2 different Sr. Pastors at the two churches we have been a part of resigning.  This is challenging and scary in many ways for me.  The fear of the unknown is of course the main cause.  I knew when I took this job who the Sr. Pastor was, and what he was like, what his theology was, what his philosophy was, what his vision was, etc.  Now I have to sit back and wait to see what the new Sr. Pastor is like and pray that we meld well.  In addition, due to budget cuts, the only full-time staff at the church at the moment is: The custodian, the secretary, and me.  That makes for a LOT of additional work and challenges that I didn't imagine having to deal with a year ago when I was hired as the new Youth Pastor.  So, a lot is happening at work that is causing changes that are difficult.  But... as the scripture says in Micah - God does NOT change - and He is the one I need to fully rely upon.

Secondly, personally.... Christi and I are very excited to have completed all of the training and requirements to be approved as foster-to-adopt parents here in Texas.  Now we are waiting for God to bring us the child(ren) that he has for us.  Before Christi and I even knew that we had been approved we received a call for placement.  The call came in at about 4:30 pm for a 4-year old boy.  They told us they needed to know right away, and so we had about 10 minutes to decide.  And even then, there was no guarantee that in that 10 minutes someone else might not take him into their home.  So Christi called me and asked me what I thought - and after about 5 minutes of thinking about it we decided to call back and say "yes!"  So we called back to say yes to Christopher.  Our Social Worker said she would get back to us with information on the placement - one way or another.  Friday ended without word.  We knew that they were closed for the weekend and wouldn't do anything until Monday.  The entire weekend, though, Christi and I were wondering if we would be placed with Christopher and become insta-parents.  In addition, we realized we have been planning and setting up for an infant - so we have a LOT of baby stuff... but we don't have toddler stuff - including a bed and dresser.  So we need to buy those as well.  Well, we waited on pins and needles all weekend - wondering what it would be like to instantly be parents of a 4-year old.  On Monday after 4 phone calls and messages, I finally got through to a case worker to find out that Christopher had already been placed with another family on Friday.  That was very difficult to have spent the entire weekend wondering and stressing about what to do - when we weren't even going to get him.  But, this is encouraging that we are now getting phone calls for placement. 

So, Christi and my life have been FILLED with change this last year.  Change is not necessarily bad, but it does seem to be more and more difficult to face and deal with as I get older.  But God is still in control and I am trying to rest on that and not forget it. 

Be the Church

A couple of years ago at Youth Specialties' National Youth Worker's Convention, they had a shirt for sale that I absolutely loved.  The front of the shirt said "Don't Go To Church" and the back of the shirt said "Be the Church".  I loved both the idea presented in this shirt, as well as the reaction it would get from people... especially people IN the church.  It also would bring out some interesting conversations about what it means to "be the church" and what that looks like.

Well, today, I came upon the blog of Pete Wilson and a post he wrote titled "Be The Church".  I love what he wrote and couldn't say it better myself...

Yesterday someone read a quote from my message on Sunday. The quote was,

“We need to stop playing church and start being the church.”

This person contacted me and asked me what I really meant. A quote of that nature probably deserves further clarification.

It means we need to stop arguing about style of worship and get concerned about the poor and hungry around the world.

It means we need to spend less time gossiping about others and more time allowing God to break our hearts over the people in our cities who are facing an eternity apart from Christ.

It means we need to stop whining about what programs our church has or doesn’t have and we need to learn what it means to abide in Jesus from one moment to the next.

Listen, it’s got to stop. We’ve got to stop showing up on Sunday mornings and playing church.   The New testament never calls us to just go to church, but to be the church.

It seems far to often we’ve reduced church down to spiritual masturbation. We’ve made it all about us.  We’ve turned it into  something we do to stroke our ego-driven, self-centered, materialistic lives. It gives us momentary pleasure, but we’ve failed to give, serve, or sacrifice of ourselves. It leads to false intimacy with our creator God.

We play church.

I’m done with that.

Be the church.

Sand Artist

At the National Youth Worker's Convention they have a "Sand Artist" who is absolutely amazing. I have no idea how you would learn to do this sort of thing... maybe too much time at elementary recess and no room left on the swingset??  Anyway, I took this video of the last part of his amazing sand art where he stated with the story of the Prodigal son.  This is the part where the prodigal son returns home.. and I will let you watch the rest.  It is amazing!!!

One-Year Anniversary

I cannot believe it has already been ONE FULL YEAR!!!

No... I am not talking about my wedding anniversary.  Rather, today marks the one-year anniversary of when I received the phone call from Cheryl at St. Mark Presbyterian Church in Boerne, Texas to ask me if I would be willing to pray about applying for the Youth Pastor position that they had available.  I was not even looking for a job at the time, and had not expected anything like this.  I also never imagined that I would move from Southern California, where I had been in my job for 9 years as a Jr. High Youth Pastor. 

But God had something else in mind for me.  My Journey to Texas was a very WILD ride!!!  And the truth is it has continued to be quite a wild ride.

I have not blogged hardly at all about my time here in Texas and a lot of that has been due to being crazy busy and getting my feet wet here.  I hope to find some time to share some things about my first year here, though.  I began this new job on Feb. 1, 2008 - and it has been a tough transition - and continues to be challenging.  It is amazing at times to me that I have been in youth ministry for 17 years total, and every change feels like I'm going back to my first two years in youth ministry ever.  That is why I have found Doug Fields' book "Your First Two Years In Youth Ministry" to be a valuable resource whether you are a new youth pastor or a veteran.  There are a lot of common elements when you begin a new job to the first couple years.  A lot of common challenges, a lot of common blessings, a lot of common struggles, etc. 

So, I am here in Texas now.... one year after the first phone call to bring me here.  I'm still wrapping my mind around all of this.  It is crazy, and wonderful, and good, and hard, and confusing, and so much more. 

If you want to hear a miraculous story, make sure you go back and read about my journey to get here.  Now I hope to find more time in the next year to blog and journal more - which I really do love to do.

Jesus Junk of the Month Award

So I debated whether or not I should post this award now, since the item is not yet released... but I decided that it was so worthy of the Jesus Junk of the Month Award that I could not wait for months to share this gem with everyone.

So here you have it... Announcing... are you ready for this.....

Yes... your eyes are NOT deceiving you.... "SUNDAY SCHOOL MUSICAL"

But wait... it gets even better.  Look at this description for the movie....

"This original production currently being filmed in Los Angeles joins the library of successful family oriented musicals such as “Grease,” and the “High School Musical” films. The inspirational storyline centers around a group of teens who when faced with the news of their local church being torn down enter into a song and dance competition with the hopes of raising the money to save the building. "

Ummmm.... I don't know when the last time was that they REALLY watched or listened to the musical "Grease" - but that is not a musical that I would classify as a "family oriented musical".

So there you have it.  On Oct. 21st you can own this gem for only $19.95.  Don't let this pass you by as it is sure to be sung by all of your students for years to come.......ya... right!!!

Long Day of Meetings

The second and fourth Tuesdays of every month for me can be both challenging and LONG days for me.  A typical Tuesday (2nd & 4th) for me looks like this.
9 – 10:15am – All staff Calendar meeting
10:30am – 2pm – Program Staff Business meeting
2pm – 6pm – Working on ministry stuff, and also tending to have some personal meetings with other staff and parents.
6pm – 7pm – Dinner
7pm – 10pm – Session Meeting
This makes for a very long day of meetings.  Lots of sitting and listening.  Lots of “business items” to discuss and make decisions on.  Often times a bit of controversy.  Makes for a long, tiring day.  And sometimes feels like a fairly unproductive day.  Especially when I am super busy and have so much on my plate to get accomplished, days like today can often feel like they are a huge waste of time.  They are not really a waste of time, but just not really the way that I would prefer to spend my hours when all I can think about throughout the day is “during this time, I could be finishing….” Or “during this time I could be contacting….”, etc.  I then, sometimes feel like I just get further behind in my work when I have a day full of meetings.  This is how I am feeling today, and feel like I have to put hours more work in tonight before I go to sleep in order to not be a complete stress case tomorrow (and beyond).  But, I just don’t know if I will be able to do much more work before I am exhausted and want to go to sleep.  So, not a very exciting blog post today, but that’s about how exciting my day has been.  But, I guess that is a sign of real life.  ☺