A-"Muse"-ing Thoughts

Simplicity - It Still Exists!

It is amazing to me the different things that one gets to experience in a small town.  And not just any small town, but a small town that is MANY miles (like 90) from the nearest city that has more than 5,000 people.  I find myself discovering and experiencing new things almost daily now that we live in Quincy, CA.

One of the things that has really struck me recently about living here was in regards to going to the movies.  It really got me thinking about the way in which a lot of people in America approach going to the movies in the 21st Century.  And rather than trying to be general and off-base (because this is NOT a scientific study of any sort), I will focus more on the way in which I, personally, had approaching going to the movies, and how that has changed since moving to Quincy.

I remember, even when I lived in Boerne, Texas, there was a theater named "The Palladium" that was only about 10 miles away from where we lived.  Boerne, itself, didn't have a movie theater - which made me think at that time that Boerne was a TINY city (boy, have I discovered how wrong I was about that).  Anyway, the Palladium had 20-some screens, was gigantic, and even had two VIP movie screens that were for adults 21 and over, had full-sized leather seats, and full arm rests.  It was a huge and incredible theater.  When Christi and I would talk about going to see a movie, we had a few decisions to make:  1) Should we go to the Palladium, or one of the other multi-screen theaters within another 5-8 miles?  2) What movie of the 20+ choices should we go see?  and 3) What time should we go see the movie we wanted to see (of the 5+ times available each day)?  It was quite the smorgasbord of options to choose from. 

I admit that I used to think that made life "simpler" - to have all those choices and times - so you could go see what movie you wanted and when you wanted.  However, that might be more "convenient", but I have come to discover it is not "simpler."  I have discovered movie-going simplicity since moving to Quincy, CA.

At first when we moved to Quincy, I was thinking, "Hey... this can't be much different than Boerne, even if Quincy is less than 1/2 the size.  Quincy has a movie theater!  Woohoo!"  But boy is it different... and that difference has come in the experience of Movie-Going Simplicity!!!

Quincy has a movie theater... yes... but it is only a ONE-Screen Movie theater.  In addition to that, it only has one showtime per day (7 pm) except for Sundays (it has two 4 pm and 7 pm) and Wednesdays (when it is closed completely).  If you want to see a movie there, you have approximately 3 days to see it.  The movies show from Sunday through Tuesday or from Thursday through Saturday.  And then, when you get inside, you will find a quaint little snack-bar.  There are very few options, but at least the prices are not as steep as the mega-plexes.  The theater itself isn't too large, and is clearly available for both movie showings as well as live theater, as there is quite a large stage stretching out in front of the screen.

So, in short... what is Movie-Going Simplicity?  It is:  1) Do you want to go to THE movie?  And that's it.  If you want to go to the movie, there is only one show time to go to.  And if you don't go to the movie that is showing now, in 3 days max, it will be gone.  Different - yes.  Bad - not at all.

And, just to add to this post of simplicity, I had to take pictures of this single-plex to show what I am talking about.  Enjoy.

There's a First For Everything....

Having lived in a couple of the places I have lived (including Colorado and California), it is not all that uncommon for events to have to be cancelled due to the weather.  And in recent years, this has become a much more common occurrence, not only all throughout the United States, but throughout the world - as there have been a lot of natural disasters and inclement weather that has brought many things to a halt.  

However, I am not even referring to your extreme situations (hurricanes, tornadoes, etc.)  It is not too uncommon in the U.S. to have events cancelled due to the snow, the rain, the ice, and even extreme heat.

But yesterday when I was reading the local paper, I came upon a first for me..... an event that was cancelled for a reason I have never seen formally given....

Here is the clip from the paper:

Yes... that is right.  The film series was cancelled due to GORGEOUS WEATHER!!!  :-)

I will admit, it is true that we are having BEAUTIFUL weather here in Quincy, CA right now.  But I just had to take a picture of that and post it for the official record of something being cancelled, formally, in the local newspaper, due to gorgeous weather!  I love it.

Stay tuned for other news from "Life in a Small Town"

Not Knowing is Sometimes the Hardest

         Nobody likes it when someone they know is upset at them.  I've never met anyone that has said to me (at least in honesty) "I just absolutely love it when people are ticked off at me."  And one thing that makes it more difficult about someone being upset at you, is when you don’t really know for sure.

         Let me clarify. 

         When someone is upset at me and I know they are upset with me – I may not like it, but it does make it a little bit easier to deal with.  If I know they are upset with me I can often figure out why they are upset with me.  I can then figure out if it was something I did or something they interpreted wrong.  I can then figure out a plan of action: which might include an apology, or reconciliation, or maybe even just saying, “that stinks that they are upset, but they are just going to have to deal with it.”  And, then, depending on the course of action taken and the response of the other individual, the healing can begin – or as may be the case, you can move on with life without any resolution or reconciliation.  As I said before, it is not fun, it is not easy, and nobody likes it – but at least knowing allows you to move forward.

         And then there is the other type of situation – which I recently have found myself in. 

         When I left Boerne, TX to move to Quincy, CA there were a few close friends that I spent a fair amount of time with and with whom we lived life together.  On the day that I moved, one of my friends seemed to grow more and more upset.  Since moving I have left multiple messages for this friend and not until just a day ago did I receive any sort of reply.  And even then, I didn’t receive a reply to all of my messages, just some.  And this is where not-knowing is sometimes the hardest.  I don’t know if I did something to upset my friend or not.  If I did, I have NO idea what it is.  In fact, I am not even sure whether or not my friend is mad, and if he is mad, if he is mad at me or someone/something else.  So then I find myself in the dilemma too of:  Do I ask him if he is mad at me?  Do I ask him if I did something wrong?  Will that end up coming across as egocentric?  If he is mad at me, is there any way I can reconcile things now?  See, these questions all make the not-knowing so much more difficult.  Not being sure makes it so I don’t know what course of action to take – if any.  All the while, however, I find myself questioning every day if I did something to severe this relationship that has meant a TON to me for the past few years.  And so, I find myself in this circular predicament of wonder, unsure how to proceed from here. 

         It seems like the answer would be so simple, but sitting here in the middle of it feels incredibly complex.  So for now, I will continue to pray about it.  Pray that God would bring about reconciliation if there is any that needs to be had.  Pray that God would bring peace to my heart and mind if there is nothing wrong and I am reading things into the situation that are not there.

 

Our New "Home"

         There is so much that I already have and want to share about living in Quincy, California.  And, honestly, this shocks me since we have only been here for one week so far!  In trying to decide where to begin, I figured I would start where we are starting in Quincy… Our “home.” 

         You might be wondering why I keep putting “home” in quotation marks.  As I had stated in my previous post, we moved to Quincy because my wife, Christi, got a job here.  She is going to be the 1^st Grade Teacher at the Private, Christian School here in town.  As most people know, teachers are not given a very high salary.  Private school teachers are given even less.  And then when one is teaching at a private school that has about 125 students, kindergarten through 12^th grade, the pay is even less.  However, just like me with Youth Ministry – Christi is not a teacher for the money – she is a teacher because she loves children, she loves to help them learn and grown, and she is absolutely, unbelievably amazing as a teacher, instructor, and mentor.  Christi is so gifted.  I LOVE to watch her interact with and teach children.  It is incredible.  This teaching position was an incredible opportunity for Christi to be a teacher, and to have a classroom of only about 10-12 students.  This will allow her to really invest in the lives of her students and teach them in much greater ways than if she had a classroom of 25+ kids.  And, then, aside from all of this, we truly believed God was leading us here (more on that in a future post).  And so we came.

         However, given the salary issue combined with the cost of living in California, brought about a challenge.  However, God had a solution for that challenge (which I will share briefly here, and more details in the future post about God’s leading us here).  God’s solution – Christi’s Aunt and Uncle have lived here in Quincy for 20 years and they have a fairly large house (about 5,000 square feet), and all 4 of their children are now grown and out of the house.  Therefore, they offered us a couple of rooms upstairs to live in:  One room (about 400 square feet) for Christi and I, and one room (about 250 square feet) for the girls – and then a Jack and Jill bathroom for the 4 of us to share.  They offered this to us for an incredibly low rental rate – making it possible for us to live here in Quincy and for Christi to take the teaching job.  What a HUGE blessing!  And that is the LONG explanation for why I have been putting quotation marks around “home” when talking about our new place.  It may not belong to us, but it truly is our home!  And with the incredible touch that Christi has for interior decorating, she really has made these two rooms feel like our home!!!

         And in case you have read any of this and thought, “oh, so sorry Ryan” – don’t be.  Let me share with you a few pictures of our new home!  

First is a picture of the house:

Next is a picture of the view we have outside of our bedroom window.

Third is a picture of our new front yard.

Finally is a picture of part of our new back patio and the view we have out back.

 

         It may not be what I was expecting… but often God’s blessings rarely are what we expect!  And I am feeling truly blessed.  And so begins our lives in Quincy.  I can’t wait to share so much more!

 

The End of An Era

         I have to admit that, for the past 19 years, I never expected this day to come.  That may be due to ignorance, stupidity, or just not really being logical – but the truth is I never expected this day to come.  Well, let me clarify – Yes, I expected Tuesday, June 28^th, 2011 to come.  What I didn’t expect to come was a time when I would not be working in a paid, church-staff youth ministry position.  It is VERY weird.  Not necessarily bad-weird, just weird.

         It seems like I have been in paid, church-staff youth ministry since I can remember.  Ok… I DO have memories before then… I may be old, but I am not THAT old.  Anyway… I have been in paid, church-staff youth ministry for a very long time.  And you might be wondering why I keep referring to this end of the era regarding “paid, church-staff youth ministry.”  The reason is that because I am STILL doing youth ministry, just in a variety of other ways than the traditional church-staff or para-church methods.  I am still running Pastor2youth.com – a ministry to youth leaders in 152 different countries – and through them, a ministry to their students.  I am developing a new internet ministry for teenagers.  And then there are the variety of other ways I continue to do youth ministry through a variety of relational means, volunteering at church and other organizations, tutoring, and more.  I also have to admit that it took me a while to get to the point where I was no longer saying, “I can’t believe I’m not in youth ministry anymore.”  And most of that realization is due to my wife reminding me of the variety of ministries I still have (Thank you Christi!!!)

         It is a bit strange to be in a place right now where there are not a million ministry-related things that I have to get done… and then when those ones are done, they are still never “finished.”  It is also a strange emotional place for me as there was a lot of hurt and pain over the last 3 years in my paid, church-staff youth ministry position that I held.  I am thankful to God that He has provided and time and a place for me (and Christi) to get some space and to have time to heal.  At the same time I find myself a bit at a loss.  After 19 years of a career, it feels very strange to suddenly be out.  I find myself wondering at times, “why?”  Why did it end?  Will I ever be in that form of youth ministry again?  What does God have in store for me now?  What does that all look like?  How much should I get involved in volunteering?  How much should I just take a break?  The questions seem to be numerous.  After my last day at my previous ministry position, these questions seemed to permeate my thinking and flood my mind non-stop.  Now, however, those questions still arise, but the flood-waters are now just a small pool and they do not consume me all day long.  God is already beginning some healing in my life. 

         And now, as I wrote yesterday, we have a new beginning in Quincy, California.  I’m excited to continue sharing what has been happening in my life, as well as what life in Quincy is like.  I’ll try to keep my blogs fairly concise when I do blog, so it won’t take anyone an hour to read a single post.  If I want a longer post, I will break it up over a few days.  And with that, I will end this post and save more for next time.  God Bless… and thanks for sharing in my journey.

 

New Beginnings

I have been intending to start this journal (blog) of my new life in Quincy, CA since I first discovered we would be moving here - about 2 months ago.  I thought that I would begin it the first day we arrived.  However, back then I didn’t really spend much time thinking about what I was really thinking.  Moving is a LOT of work – especially when you are doing the move all on your own.  It is a ton of work to pack up your house, a ton of work to load the U-Haul truck (and trailer), a ton of stress to drive that giant truck and trailer for 1,800 miles across the country, a lot of work to unload that truck and trailer – especially when having to condense our 2,000 square-foot house in which we were living in Texas and decide what we will place into our 650 square-foot, two-bedroom accommodations where we are living now.  It was a ton of work to unload it, then re-load a bunch of it and move it to storage, only to unload it again and try and put it into the storage unit in an organized way so that we can access our stuff when needed.  And finally, unpacking, organizing, figuring out where everything goes, setting up, and so on has taken SO much longer than we had anticipated and has been way more exhausting than we ever imagined.  Therefore, it has been an entire week since we have been here and I am FINALLY able to sit down and blog a bit about life in Quincy, CA.

This is going to be on ongoing part of my blog as there are so many things in my life that have changed with this move and it will be good to blog, journal, and reflect on those changes and what is happening.  So, stay tuned… and keep checking back (or subscribe to my RSS) as I will be blogging much more regularly than I have in the last 2 years even.  And by more regularly I don’t just mean I will now blog 2 times per year instead of one.  J  I am hoping to set a goal to blog at least a few times per week.  I already have a bunch of blog posts in mind, so now I just have to get them down on digital-paper!

 

I just can't comprehend...

I was sitting at lunch today with my 3-year old daughter and we were just smiling and giggling and laughing at one another as we ate lunch.  There was nothing special going on... we were just having a quesadilla, banana, chips, and milk.  Not a special lunch, and no special activities.  However, we were just enjoying being together.  As we were sitting there eating, I smiled at my daughter and then said, "you know what?"  She excitedly responded "WHAT?"  I then said, "I love you!"  She smiled and then said "I love you too, daddy."  It was precious, it was pure, it was real!

As I continued to eat I started to think about some of the youth I have worked with over the last 19 years in youth ministry, as well as others whom I have encountered during that time, who have shared with me about some of their family life and functions.  On numerous occasions I have spent time talking to people who have told me that they never heard one parent or the other say to them, "I love you."  As I was sitting at lunch today eating with my daughter and we shared those simple words together, I started to reflect and wonder how could any parent ever go for any amount of time and not say "I love you" to their own child???  It is something that I just can't comprehend.  I realize that there are many factors which I may not know, many situations which are different than mine, and very different personalities.  I also realize that God has wired me in a way where I show emotions and tenderness and sensitivity very easily.  For me... with my daughters... I find that I literally can't keep from saying "I love you" to them!  As I said above - it is natural, it is pure, it is real.  And with the way I feel about them and the ease (and the numerous times per day) of saying "I love you" to them both... I just cannot comprehend how any parent could keep those 3 words bottled up to never say to their own child(ren), "I love you!"

Thank you Lord for your love... that because you first loved me, I can love others.  And I pray, Lord, that I would always be able to say with ease, "I love you" to my daughters - even if they do things I don't approve of, may I be able to say those words to them, just like you do to me every day, even though I do many things that do not please you.  In Jesus Name, AMEN

2 Weeks Until...

It is hard to believe.  November 15th, 2010 - when I was told that my church was eliminating the Youth Director position, and thus eliminating my job - I was told that I would have 90-days until the position would be finished.  At that time, 90-days seems like a fairly good amount of time to figure out what was next for me and my family and to head that direction - or at least have a plan in motion and know where we were headed.

Well, Today is January 30th, and I now have only 2 weeks left until my job is gone.  And not only did those first 76 days fly by very fast, but I have no clue what is next for me or my family.  And the truth is, it is terrifying!  I've found that ever since we returned from vacation on Jan. 7th that with each passing day I am getting more and more stressed, more and more anxiety ridden, finding it more and more difficult to rest in God (which I realize is a sin, not trusting in God completely - and then knowing that I am sinning and not trusting God seems to then stress me out even more).... do you see the horrible, vicious cycle?  Ironic, huh?

Well, now I am sitting here two weeks away.  And it isn't like I have spent the last 76 days just sitting around twiddling my thumbs hoping that something would fall out of the sky and into my lap.  I have sent out numerous resumes and applications.  I have thought outside of the box and have applied for jobs not only in youth ministry but also in social work, teaching, adjunct professor, data entry, administrative assistant, other ministry positions, and more.  And it is strange... I have prayed through all of it that God would give me (us) clear direction and answers to where he wants us next.  I have prayed that he would open doors clearly AND close doors clearly.  And yet, I have to admit that every time I get a letter saying something along the lines of "Thanks for applying.  You have much to offer, but you don't have the qualifications we are looking for.  God bless and good luck," I find myself struggling to say "Thank you God for the answered prayer of a clearly closed door!  And yet, I KNOW that is what it is - an answer to my prayer - God's protection for me and my family to not end up in a place that will be unhealthy, destructive, and/or miserable for us.  But if I am honest, I still struggle with it.  I still feel those pangs of rejection.  I still feel the worry of how I am going to provide for my family.  I still feel the anxiety of when God will answer my prayers with an open door instead of closed ones.

And so I come back to the realization of only 2 weeks left.  There is a lot to do to "wrap up" at the job, including getting all of my office packed up and moved out.  That alone is quite the job as I have a kajillion books and resources (I bet you didn't know that "kajillion" was a word - but if you saw all the books and resources in my office then you would know the definition of "kajillion").  And at the same time we are having to pack our house and move furniture out to storage and boxes out to storage because our house goes on the market for sale on Feb. 15th.  Where are we moving to?  Your guess is as good as mine at this point.  However, everything my wife and I have been going through and feeling as we have talked about what is next seems to be pointing to us moving.  And since it can take a long time to sell a house, we have decided to take the advice of some friends (and our realtor) and get the house ready and on the market now.  However, I admit, that adds to the anxiousness of when God will answer our prayers with the open door.  

And, then there are other challenges that are added to this right now.  Like:  
1) I am having a pretty severe gout attack that started on Friday, Jan. 28th.  It is SO incredibly painful and limits what I can do - which is not good right now since there is a TON of stuff to get done.
2) My birthday is in 4 days - but I'm having a hard time even getting excited about that with all of the stuff that has to get done, my dumb gout attack, and pending unemployment.
3) There are additional things going on at the church that have added to the challenges of my leaving.

It just seems like so much.  I will say this.... I PRAISE GOD for my wife!!!!  She is amazing.  She has been such a huge support - showing incredible love, prayer, encouragement, faithfulness, steadfastness, patience, supportiveness, and strength through all of this.  I am so blessed to have her by my side.  I cannot even begin to imagine how much more difficult this would be to go through if I had to go through it without her.  And yet, I know that she too is grieving about all of this and is a worried as well for what the future holds for us... and is also anxious for God to reveal that open door.  And even through all she is dealing with, she finds the strength to lift me up.  She is a blessing beyond words.

So my prayer continues!  "God, please clearly open the doors you want us to walk through, and close the ones that you don't have for us.  But, Lord, it would be really, really nice if you could at least give me some sense of direction.  I don't even know what direction I should face anymore.  And Lord, help me to trust you.  I can't do it on my own strength - as much as I want, I find that I keep trying to take control or spend every minute worrying about it.  So, Lord, help me to trust you more.  And, Lord, please provide for me and my family - in the way that you know is best and is what we need.  AMEN"

I confess... these words are much easier to say than they are to live by!  I will continue trying, however.  I am not giving up.  I am taking time each day to apply for jobs, to put myself out there, to think outside of the box, to consider new ideas and possibilities, and to try to focus on just keeping on keeping on!  I have no clue where the journey will end... but when I find out, I promise I will share it here!

2 weeks!  14 days!  336 Hours!  20,160 Minutes!  Here I am Lord... I'm ready for your open door!

(P.S.  If any of you have any doors that are open that God might be leading me to... please don't hesitate to let me know about them.  Thanks!)

Some FANTASTIC News and some Not-so-Fantastic News

Today I am able to announce two things... one that happened today, and one that happened 3 weeks ago.

The news I can announce that happened today is the third best day of my life, after only accepting Christ as my Savior, and marrying my wife Christianna.  Today, after a 2-day long trial, Christi and I officially became adoptive parents of the two precious girls we have been foster parents to for the past 22 months.  It has been a LONG, difficult journey to get to this point, and the 2-day trial was full of tension, stress, uncertainty, and lots of emotions.  However, at 3:48 pm (CST) the judge signed our adoption papers at the end of the trial and we are VERY PROUD PARENTS!!!  This truly is the most exciting and wonderful news, and I am SO happy to get to share it with everyone.

Unfortunately, my other news is not-so-fantastic.  3 weeks ago, on Nov. 16th, 2010, the elders at my church voted, because of financial reasons, to eliminate completely the full-time youth director position at the church.  Therefore, I've been eliminated from the church.  So, that means I am seeking out God's will for my life and the next step for Christi and I (and now our two precious daughters).  I am in the search for a new job, however the timing right now is very difficult as all churches are focused right now on the holiday plans and not on staffing issues.  So, if you know of any job possibilities (only to the west of Texas, however), please let me know.  Also, please keep me and my family in your prayers during this time as we all know the job market is difficult.  

I am full of opposite emotions right now - I am EXTREMELY joyful about my 2 little girls, and I am also very worried and stressed about the job situation.  

Attached here is the official letter that went out to the entire congregation announcing the elimination of my position.  

Dissertation Update - March 2010

Well, here it is... the update I have been ANXIOUS to be able to share with everyone (including myself... LOL).  I'm DONE!!!

I'm done writing the dissertation.....

I'm done editing the dissertation.....

I'm done submitting the dissertation to the doctoral committee.....

I'm done revising the dissertation.....

I'm done waiting to hear what's going to happen.....

I am GRADUATING!!!!  I got official word... everything has been approved and accepted.  

I am officially Dr. Ryan C. Nielsen!  Wooohooo

What is still not done....

1) To receive the printed and bound copies of my dissertation; and

2) To walk in the graduation this June!!!

I owe so much thanks and more to my wonderful wife, Christianna, who supported me through it all the way to the end, sometimes with the hard truth types of support - but much needed all the same!