A-"Muse"-ing Thoughts

Made My Heart Smile

So yesterday I was in charge of doing the Pastoral Prayer in the church service.  My family was there with me - my wife, my 4-year old daughter, and my 2-year old daughter... all sitting in the 3rd row.

I got up and said the prayer, and right after I said, "Amen" my 2-year old daughter said loud and clear, "Thank you Daddy!"

It was a very precious moment that made my heart melt.  And then after service 4 different people came up to me at separate moments and repeated, "Thank you daddy" with huge smiles on their faces and told me how endearing that was.  

These are the moments that are treasured and kept in that soft spot in my heart where I can reflect back on them during times that are more challenging.  Thanks MuMu for making my day and melting my heart!

I feel like a college student again

Well, I guess in a sense I still AM a college student... but I feel like I am back to those 19-year old freshman days.

Last night I got into a groove of research and writing.  Stayed up until 3:30 am working on my paper, and got up again at 8:00 am sharp this morning to get back started.

However, my body is not as young as that 19-year old freshman, so I can already feel that I will need a nap this afternoon.  LOL

But, I am very excited to say that I've been making great progress on my dissertation so far.  

A GREAT Gift from my wife

I have received an amazing gift from my wife.  One that is invaluable.  As I have updated, I am working very hard on my doctoral dissertation right now.  In fact, I am in my final year allowed to complete my doctorate degree.  If I don't finish it this year, I will be dropped from the program and if I want my doctorate degree I would have to start the entire program all over from the beginning.  That will NOT happen.  Christi has been so incredibly supportive of me in this venture - in fact more than supportive.  She has been the kick in the butt that I've needed to get this dissertation done.

Well, trying to study, research, read, write, revise, edit, re-write, etc. can be very challenging at my home right now.  Having 4 year old and 2 year old daughters is absolutely wonderful and amazing, but it is not the most conducive condition for getting the writing, research, and revisions done.  And, with my Nov. 1, 2009 deadline quickly approaching the stress level had continued to increase.  

Christi came to me with the plan for me to take some study leave, to go away to an isolated location where NO ONE knows where I am (but her, of course) and spend 4 days in isolation working on my dissertation.  What a HUGE gift this is.  I've just begun, but I am so blessed by this gift she has given me.  She is taking care of everything at home, ALONE, for the next 4 days.  On Friday, my family will come and join me and we will spend one more night away as an entire family - just enjoying being together as a family.  Then, to make this gift even more amazing, Christi put together an entire cooler of goodies for me - sodas, chips, candy, salad, cheese, and other snack items so I would have "fuel" to keep on going.  How is that for an amazing gift?  I owe her BIG TIME!!!!

Thanks Christi - you are my wonderful FLCE!

Dissertation Update

Well, it has been a long time since I have posted an update on the progress on my doctoral dissertation.  And since this week is a pretty important week for me, I thought I would share.  Also, I have had a few people asking me about it lately... so figured I would get it out there for everyone.

So here is where I am at:

* Required to be 8 chapters long.

* I've finished writing chapters 1 - 7 and am started on writing chapter 8.

* I've sent the first 7 chapters to the professional editor and received them back.

* I have the final chapter to write, and a conclusion.

* I have to edit all of my chapters, send back to the editor for final approval, then put it all together and send it to the doctoral committee for review.

Deadline:  Nov. 1, 2009

So what am I doing about it?  Well, this week I will be going away for 4 days on Study Leave.  The only person who will know where I am will be Christi.  I will not take cell phone calls, text messages, or emails from anyone other than Christi during this time.  I will spend the days writing, revising, editing, and doing whatever else I need to do in order to try and get this project to the state of "completion."  

However, once I send it in, then the doctoral committee will read it and send it back to me with any additional required edits, changes, etc.  Then I have about 1 month to complete the final edition, have it printed and bound, and sent back to them.  

Lord willing, I will be graduating in June 2010 with my Doctor of Ministry degree in Youth and Family Ministry.

Out of Site, Out of Mind

(And yes, the Pun was intentional for the title of this post)

Ugh!  What can I say.  I feel like a broken record sometimes on this blog about "I can't believe it's been so long..."  and "ok, I'm gonna get back to blogging."  

You know what they say about good intentions... well, I have good intentions.  But life seems to always get in the way.

In addition, you know the phrase, "out of sight, out of mind" Well, that has been my blog.  I have not been on my blog in a while, and therefore it seems like it has become a victim to that adage - out of sight out of mind.  I have SO much that I want to share.  So much that I feel would be good to journal about.  So much that has happened in the last 7 months.  So much I want to share with everyone.  But I've also been more busy than ever before in my life.  I've had more changes than ever before in my life.  I've had more challenges than ever before in my life.... and this blog seems to be the easiest thing to just ignore.  (and there is a lot of truth to that).  But, I also know that writing can be very therapeutic as well - and I LOVE to write.

So, what do I do with all of this?  Well, here is what I've come up with.

1) Don't feel so stinking guilty about not blogging as much as wanted.  Life is busy and guilt doesn't help get anything done.
2) Take some time out regularly to blog.  Writing is therapeutic and with all that is going on, it certainly couldn't hurt to take a few minutes every couple days or so to write what is happening.
3) Don't feel like very blog needs to be a novella - in fact, if they are, chances are no one will read them.  In addition, if they are, then I am more likely to put it off until I can "find time" - and that will never happen.  So, as Nike would say, "Just Do It!"
4) Relax, Enjoy, Write, and move forward.

To quote a phrase from a sermon I recently preached:  "You can't live in the past with all of it's mistakes, and you can't live in the future because we never know if we will even be there.  But, we must live for today - because it is a GIFT that God has given to us, which is why it is called the PRESENT!"

So here is to TODAY!!!

Time Flies

Wow.  Where does time go?  I guess one big answer to that would be: "To the Children."  It is so true that a lot of things have changed since getting our foster daughters.  Balancing time expectations is one of the continual challenges that I face every day. 

I have a lot of thoughts that I want to blog/journal more fully, but I thought I would give a few highlights since my last blog:

*  Got back to work on my doctoral dissertation.  At the moment of writing this I have 2 chapters written and about 15 pages on Chapter 3 completed.  This is my final year to finish the doctorate.  One way or another I am done after this.  I WILL write my entire project and pray it gets accepted by the committee.
*  May 2nd was the 3-month anniversary of Christi and I being foster-parents to two amazing daughters.
* Celebrated a wonderful Easter with my family - including the first time ever for easter baskets or easter egg hunts for my two foster-daughters.
* Celebrated Christi's 31st Birthday - treated her to a 3-hour spa treatment, lunch together, and then a fun dinner with friends.
* Had "Youth Sunday" at the church - which ended up being a wonderful day with the students doing an amazing job, and many adults giving us all very positive feedback.
* We are getting ready to celebrate our oldest foster-daughter's 4th birthday.  Should be a blast as we are having a "Princess Slip-N-Slide" party  (full of pinata and all)!!!  She is very excited, and so are we.
* We found out 3 days before the deadline that the bio-family of our foster daughters has hired a lawyer petition for adopting the girls.  Needless to say, this is a very heartbreaking thing for Christi and me, and we are praying that God would do what is best for these girls, but do it quickly, and if they are to be returned for him to cover our hearts.
* I am currently the only full-time program/pastoral staff person at the church.  Our Sr. Pastor retired.  We are hoping to hire an interim pastor sometime before September (yikes, that's a long ways away) and the search for a new Sr. Pastor will take approx. 2 years.  (YIKES!)  This has caused extra work for me and an extra element of trying to balance life duties and work duties.
* I have the most amazing and supportive wife that a husband could ever pray for.  Just have to say - Christi is a saint (she truly should be given sainthood status, but since we are not Catholics I am not sure they would accept my application for Christi's sainthood)
* At the end of April, beginning of May, I went on a "Walk to Emmaus."  It was powerful, incredible, and God is really working in my life and heart.  Lots to share about this one.

Well, I know there is more that has happened.  But that will give you a quick highlight of the things going on in my life since last blog in February.  Man, Time Flies!!!  I am going to try and blog a lot more details about some of these things, and some others that have been heavy on my mind lately as well.

LONG Sunday Completed

Sundays like yesterday are VERY exhausting for me!  It is days like yesterday which I am reminded of the HUGE blessing i have in my wife, Christi, who is there to encourage, support, care for, and help me in so many ways. 

So, I preached my sermon yesterday on Genesis 2:1-3.  I even did it in the 20-minute time limit.  When all was said and done I was very happy with how my sermon went.  I got a lot of very positive feedback, including a huge thumbs-up from the senior pastor who also was excited about the breadth of scripture I brought into my sermon and the way I tied it all together.  I also had many people tell me I shared something new about the Sabbath that they had never heard before or thought of.  And I even had six people ask me directly if they could get a copy of my sermon.  Those were all so very encouraging.  I felt good about my presentation and the material.  I felt like I communicated well, was clear, and gave the personal application I felt was so important. 

One additional hard thing about preaching is due to the nature of my job.  See, on weeks when I have to preach, the senior pastor has one element of his job that he doesn't have to worry about that week.  But for me, I don't get to drop any of my "normal" youth ministry duties.  So, I ADD work to my week, and add work to my Sunday.  This makes it a lot more stressful and exhausting.  In fact, the truth is that yesterday, after church, my wife asked me, "what are you teaching at youth group tonight?" and I had to admit honestly, "I have no idea, I haven't prepared that yet.  I have 4 hours to figure that one out."  OK.... I admit, this is NOT a good way of doing youth ministry.  Preparing 4 hours before you are supposed to teach is not wise.  I figured I would pull out one of my many lessons I have written over the last 18 years, and since I've only been at this church for 1 year now I have a lot of unused material that I could revise and recycle.  And this is when I love my wife.  She encouraged and suggested to me a plan for Sunday night.  She knew some material that I had that would be good to use and need only slight revisions.  And so, we got home after lunch and she put the children down for a nap while I began to revise some material to teach for Sunday night. 

We didn't have a large attendance Sunday night, but we had a good core of students there for youth group.  I had set everything up, got my lesson revised, and also had a nooma video set up as a 2nd "option."  The first option was giving them a worksheet I put together on how to prepare a testimony (both a salvation story and a growth story).  Most everyone did both options last night and at least three of the students asked if they could share their testimony at youth group (Praise God)!  So, by the end of last night, i came home feeling exhausted and energized.  I also felt HUGE appreciate to my wife, who not only gave me some great feedback on my sermon, great ideas for sunday night, helped lead sunday night, but also took care of the kids in between church and youth group so I could make my revisions, take a nap, and be ready for the night.  I can't say "thanks" enough to her or tell her how much I appreciate her leadership, friendship, help, and love.

Preaching Tomorrow

So, tomorrow I am preaching.  I am preaching on Genesis 2:1-3.  I have REALLY struggled with getting this sermon written and prepared for preaching.  I just put the finishing touches on it, revised it for the 4th time, and now am ready to print it and go over it a few times so that I can stick in my head what I am going to say. 

There are a few reasons that this sermon has been especially difficult for me.

• First of all, now having two little girls running around the house makes it way more difficult than it was before to work from home.  It is hard to concentrate when every 30-seconds I am hearing, "Ryan...Ryan... Ryan... LOOK at this!!!"   They are cute, but it does make it challenging.
• I struggle at times when I am assigned a specific passage to preach on.  I understand the desire for this - to fit within the sermon series that is being taught.  But I also struggle with it on a couple of levels.  First of all, I like to allow the Spirit to speak to my heart and be allowed to preach on something that the spirit has placed heavy on my heart to share with the people.  Secondly, I know that the Sr. Pastor has an idea in his head of what he wants communicated with each theme - and my sermon may or may not communicate exactly what he was hoping, or what he thinks is important.  This makes it tough.
• Third, in this particular church, the way the services are set up the individual preaching the sermon is given a time-limit of 20 to 22 minutes to preach the entire sermon (and going overtime is a HUGE mistake here and people get quite upset if you do).  Trying to squeeze into 20-22 minute the material that I have been studying and want to share on this particular sermon feels impossible.

I am praying that my sermon is not choppy, that it flow smoothly, that it make sense, and that it has some clear personal application to it.  I don't want to come across as "look at me, I went to  Seminary and here's what I can do."  I want to share from the word of God and make it applicable and meaningful to their lives today - There is a reason it is called "The LIVING Word!"  I don't want them to leave still having the question in their minds of "so what?  What does that matter in my life?" 

I have attempted to do that in my sermon.  I am finally feeling better about where it is at, but I am also very nervous about preaching.  But, soon it will be over and I can update you on how it went. 

Baby Steps

One of my favorite movies to watch is the movie "What About Bob" starring Richard Dreyfuss and Bill Murray.  If you haven't seen it, I would encourage you to rent it and see it.  However, this post is not actually about that movie.... but an idea in the movie.  In the movie, the character Bob is encouraged to celebrate and rejoice over "baby steps" that are made.  And that's what this post is about.

It isn't about one of my two little girls learning to walk - at the age of 3 and 1, they both know how to walk already.  However, as they have lived in our home, we have seen some "baby steps" that are being made which make us very excited.  A big baby step for me happened the other morning.

I went in to wake the girls up and spent some time in their room reading books with them and talking.  Christi was still asleep in our bed (or at least still resting).  After about 10 minutes I had to grab my stuff to head out to work, and Christi heard me and hollered for me to bring the girls into our bedroom for her to watch.  So I brought them in and they climbed up onto the bed with Christi.  I grabbed the rest of my stuff for work and got ready to leave.  I gave M.K. a kiss and said "goodbye, I love you."  Then I gave Christi a kiss and said "goodbye, I love you."  Finally I gave M.M. a kiss and said, "goodbye, I love you" and M.M. said "I love you too!"  WOW.  This was the first time that M.M. has used the word "love" at all - and was a HUGE baby step to me.  Christi and I both had a look of shock on our faces.  Christi quickly motioned to me "don't make a big deal about it, just go."  To which I said, "ya.. ok... bye"  But my heart has been a flutter ever since.  One small step for M.M.... one Giant Leap of the heart for Ryan.  :) 

Valentine's Day at the Zoo

Christi and I decided to take our 2 new foster-daughters, M.M. and M.K. to the zoo today.  This was also our first trip to the local zoo. 

It was a wonderful day of looking at the animals and seeing the awe of our two little girls.  We are feeling quite certain, from their reactions and expressions, that these two girls have never been to the zoo before. 

Our 3-year old, M.M. was a bit nervous at each new zoo exhibit though.  She had a hard time understanding that these big (and sometimes scary) animals could not get through the glass, or the cage, or the fence. 

Once she had a few minutes, she would then enjoy each animal, but most of them made her nervous to begin with.

I never would have thought of going to the zoo for Valentine's Day - and it was definitely a different Valentine's Day than I have ever celebrated before - but it was a wonderful day with my wife and two girls!!!